Wednesday, December 22, 2010

Wildcats (1986)

After the soul-crush that was "Vision Quest," I needed to find a film that could restore my faith in this genre that I love.

That film was Wildcats.

Damn, this movie is good.

Also, it gave us Woody Harrelson and Wesley Snipes in their film debuts. They later reunited for "White Men Can't Jump" which you KNOW I love.

All I have to say, is when Wesley gets done with jail or probation or whatever, he needs to give Woody a call because these two together are TOTALLY Meg Ryan/Tom Hanks circa "Sleepless in Seattle."

Wildcats is a movie about Molly McGrath a football genius trapped in Goldy Hawn's body--she's pretty much a wolf in sheep's clothing, ya dig?

When there's an opening for the job of JV football coach at the school where she is the girl's track coach, Molly jumps at the opportunity.

But this jackwad is the Varsity coach and in charge of the hiring process.

He doesn't want to give Molly the job because he's jealous of her athletic genius...

And her hair.

Coach Jackwad arranges for Molly to get a job coaching varsity football in this neighborhood.
CHICAGO! My kinda town!

What a rag-tag bunch of underdogs.
Nothing says BADASS like a shower cap.

Molly does her best, but the dumb team doesn't like her because:
A. She's blond
B. She's a girl.
They even vandalize her office and break her dad's stopwatch. Which really really sucks.

But Molly doesn't back down, she challenges the team to a race-type thing. They will run until they drop. Whoever is the last one standing wins. The team versus Molly. If Molly loses, she quits. If she wins, they have to play by her rules.

And then Molly is all "BTW, I ran the Boston Marathon....TWICE" (suckas)

Having won her little two-headed quarter bet, Molly proceeds to kick ass.

Oh, hello training montage, it's been a while. I missed you soooo.

Wildcats cheerleaders = the best ever.

So Molly starts this new job all scared of the bad neighborhood, but over time she realizes that these kids are pretty great and they're just getting a bad rap. No one believes in these kids, even her ex husband who is so classist that he thinks Molly just being in the presence of poor people will corrupt their daughters. He goes to court to try to take custody away.

Let me just say that if my mom coaching the varsity football team at a rough high school means I will acquire awesome style and eventually evolve into a Teen Witch/Twin Peaks/Psych cast member then I say, Mom, grab the playbook!

Molly is met with a TON of opposition. It's not easy being a lady and a football genius at the same time. There are a lot of jackwads who just don't understand.

This guy is real smart. Finch makes all the football players pay him for papers. He's also got a bad gambling habit and makes people pay him for everything. Molly gets Finch to join the team after one of hits bets goes awry and a player gets injured. I assure you, his role on the team will soon be crucial to the story.

Just when things are looking up (the team made it to the Championship! or something like that!), Molly's lawyer tells her that the ex has a court date to get full custody of the kids.

The ex has a pretty good case because after a victory party for the team, Molly's daughter got WASTED.

But, see, all was not terrible. One of the players drove her home and stayed there until Molly got back. Which is really responsible behavior for a teenager. Also, he groped his girlfriend on Molly's couch, but tomato/tomato, ya know?

The team gets all dressed up and they go to court to try to vouch for Molly, but instead they fuck it up and start swearing and the judge goes "YOU THINK YOU'RE BAD?! SIT DOWN"

So, in order to keep her kids, Molly makes a deal to quit the Wildcats and become the head Phys Ed teacher at a posh all girls school.

Her husband, feeling all douchy about being a douche, tells her it's okay if she coaches the final game of the season, which just happens to be the CHAMPIONSHIP GAME against HER RIVAL the Jackwad of yore who wouldn't give her a job as JV coach.

The other team is really mean, they play dirty and they smell bad.

And Molly's team isn't even trying. They're dropping the ball (PUN INTENDED) and missing passes and blocks.

At halftime Molly realizes that the team is giving up because they think she's a quitter. Why? Because she caved to her husband when she said she'd quit coaching football.

But you know what? Molly is not a quitter!

She tells her husband she's not quitting, because she's great at her job and she's proud of her team and, most of all, she's not going to set an example for her daughters that they have to compromise their family for their dreams.
Her ex agrees, because as dumb as he's been, he realizes that Molly is pretty awesome and just the kind of mom his kids need.

Can I just take a moment to say, Goldie Hawn is super-great! This movie and Private Benjamin are SO GOOD. I really wish she was in more movies.

Anyway, back to football...

The Wildcats make a comeback!


Remember Finch?  Because his allegiance is to ca$h money and not his team, he goes to the other coach to chat. He's all, "You look like an ass because you're losing. Give me ten dollars and I'll help you win." (Not a direct quote.)
But coach jackwad, because he's so angry and distracted, calls the kid fat. Which is not cool.

So he goes to back to Molly and he says "Put me in coach!"

And she does....and you know something big is going to happen....

........Final moments........
........Final kick.......
........If they make this, the bad guys win.....
........If they miss....The Wildcats win.......

What the bad guys don't know is that Finch is seeking revenge.

.........Will he block the kick?........
.........The anticipation is killing me!........

Of course he blocks the kick!

And the Wildcats return the block for a TOUCHDOWN!




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