Bend it Like Beckham (2002)

This week it's all about crossing the pond and journeying into the strange strange world of futbol (soccer).

Bend it Like Beckham is about a girl who doesn't fit in:

 

And her friend who hasn't managed to control her face muscles just yet:

Jess is a girl obsessed with soccer, particularly David Beckham.

She is the youngest daughter of a fairly traditional Sikh family.

But, hot damn! does she love soccer (futbol)!

One day, a girl named Jules sees Jess playing soccer in the park with her friends. Jules realizes that Jess is really freaking good at soccer and has gained that skill by just playing in the park. She figures that if she can get Jess to join her team, with a coach and real games, Jess could be a great addition to her team.

She joins the team, coached by Jonathan Rhys Meyers, but doesn't tell her parents because they wouldn't approve of her playing soccer

Secret hiding from your parents training montage!

Ah, but one day, while Jess is playing soccer in the park with the boys, and feeling all kinds of confident and strong, her mom sees her being all rough and tumble and she flips her shit.

Her parents tell her no more soccer! Jess's sister is engaged and there's a lot of planning left for the wedding. They tell Jess she needs to be there for her family and stuff.

But Jess doesn't listen. She lies to her parents and tells them she got a job at a record store so she could keep playing soccer on the girls team.

Another training montage!

One day, after hanging out, Jess and her new best friend Jules and laughing at the bus stop when...

Her sister's future mother-in-law drives by

and she mistakes Jules's short hair and thinks that Jess was getting all nasty with some random dude at the bus stop, which is really not okay. So she goes to Jess's parents house and calls of the wedding of Jess's sister....are you still with me? I'm getting confused too.

All this is to say that, even her sister's broken heart doesn't stop Jess from chasing her dream of soccer stardom. She goes with the team on a trip to Germany for a big game.

Seriously Keira Knightley, your face is like that Tony Danza movie, "She's Outta Control."

Jess told her parents she was going to her cousin's house, but her dad finds out she was lying when he saw her picture in the newspaper:

Meanwhile, in Germany, after losing the game, Jess's team decides to go to a dance club to dance away the pain to some really fantastic and totally hip music.

This is exactly how I picture a German Dance Club. (Note Jonathan Ryhs Meyers's overbite.)

Jess's dad shows up at her next game, to see what his daughter's been up to.

During the game, Jess gets into a fight with a girl from the other team. Jess hits her and gets kicked out of the game. Jess's dad is not proud.

After the game, Jess's coach is comforting her by snuggling her neck when her dad walks up and is all "Hell no."

Jess's dad takes her home, ready to have the whole family yell at her, when they are surprised that her sister's wedding is back on! Both families get all excited and yaaaay!

But, it turns out, that the wedding is the same day as the big final game. A scout from a college in the USA is coming to the game and is both Jess and Jules's shot at playing soccer, possibly professionally, one day.

But, Jess is good to her family and tells her team she can't play because her family is more important.

Don't you totally want an Sikh wedding now?

But, at the wedding and during the reception Jess is pretty miserable.

Her dad tells her that he wants her to go to the game, if she promises to return with a smile. Her sister deserves a happy family at the wedding.

So Jess goes to the game and is totally awesome!

Meanwhile the most awesome wedding reception ever goes on-a-ragin'

During the game, Jess has to  take a penalty kick, but when she looks at this:

She sees this:

I love that.

She makes the goal!!!! And her team wins!!!!

And it turns out a scout WAS at the game, and he offered both Jess and Jules college scholarships in America! At one of the top soccer programs!

And Jules's parents are like, seriously, Keira, control your face muscles.

The game ends in time for Jess to get back to the most awesome wedding reception ever.

After the wedding, Jess tells her parents about the scholarship offer and her mom freaks out, but then her dad gives this amazing speech about how, when he first moved to London and tried to join a Cricket club, the other members were cruel to him because of his turban and he quit. But quitting didn't teach them a lesson, it just made him really sad about the whole thing. So, he wants his daughter to move to America and pursue soccer and chase her dreams and damn if you don't cry during that scene!

At the airport, on their way to America, Jess and Jules see the Beckhams! Crazy!

Later haters, we're gonna be all kinds of Cali. Forgetting your names 'n' shit.

I don't get all this fawning over David Beckham when Victoria Beckham is clearly waaay more amazing:

.